it's my turn to crap

I've not always been on top of my feet lately.. I kept thinking like am I the only one freezing my tip-toe here or who ? I missed the warm and smiley kind of mood I've had 1 year back then.. November is not a good month in starting up smthin and it always ends up all gloomy n bluesy..

Yeah I probably didnt mentioned before but I just had my 1st time ever college-experience final project raid.. Everyone's who's been through those times must've understand it right ? and how u get irritated by someone who doesn't give any damn about everythin that matters but his/herself ? or maybe it's a good way for u to look through a damn dictionary for the word 'selfish?'
But well I finally get through those n I'm on a 1 week assessment day preparation until next Friday the 13th (dont mention Jason n Freddy).. n I realized that I breaks myself a lot lately, I got stressed/paranoid/obsessed/self-judging with everything these few days round.. I missed having someone to talk n chat everythin out.. but yet, to everyone around me.. friends n family.. there's always these boundaries that stopped me from doing it.. in the end of the day, all I could do is just lock it into my own head instead..

I wish I could express myself more to my parents.. haha, I've hurt myself more than I've expected.. My body's getting all over-skinny n ugly sun-burned.. I wanna treat myself better.. How once in a while I get to eat some fancy food.. able to buy myself fancy clothes n junks.. All my money are sucked up by all the college needs (SHITS!).. there's no way Im tellin my dad all about these stuffs.. He signed the tuition grant deal n there's no way I'm gonna pull myself back all over again.. My parents already got themselves dozens of stuffs to handle..

Okay the only thing that cheers me up now is only thinkin soon I'll be on my way home again.. I'm back home.. I hate it there.. there's not even a single thing I love it here in singapore.. Nothing comes free n I'm gonna learn it more..



Phew.. this feels good.. really.. Chuck Bass makes my day !